Friday, January 27, 2006

Is it to much to ask.....


I Hate Starbucks.
You can't walk the length of a block anywhere in the city without coming across one of their soulless little outposts. They're a cancer, multiplying unnoticed on our street corners.

I'm on a mission. A Quest, if you like. I want to find the Perfect Coffee Shop.
I don't care if its a branch of an established chain ( except for Starbucks, they are unclean/ verboten/ off limits ) or an independent mom and pop type of place. Neither are my criteria for the P.C.S impossibly over the top.

All I'm looking for are:

1) Baristas who can understand english, and won't give you a cup of camomile tea when you've actually asked for an espresso.
2) Clean premises. Not just Guido-wiped-the counter-an-hour-ago clean, but the kind where they've actually moved the furniture to sweep, rather than just going around it. Where you don't stick to the counter like some sort of mutant on coffee flavoured flypaper.
3) They serve plain black coffee. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a coffee shop that sells good old fashioned coffee around London? The wee people behind the counter are happy enough to whip you up a double decaff skinny lattemochachocogelattochino in the blink of an eye, but ask for a black coffee and they stare at you like you've sprouted a foetus on your forehead. The closest impresonation of a black coffee they offer is the so-called "Americano"-- which is an espresso poured into a coffee mug and topped up with hot water. Oh fuck no thank you very much.
4) They are reasonably priced.
5) They're easy to get to. I'm not travelling to Prattswitheringstone Under Lyne just for a coffee. I want somewhere I can go and sit down in on a rainy Saturday afternoon, not a journey to make Ranulph Fiennes blanche.
6) They appreciate that people who enjoy their coffee want to sit in peace and relax. No one should rush you. Its a place to have a chat, have a bit of a read or just sit and watch the world slip by. It is not a makeshift creche where Holly Housewife can bring her 3 bawling brats and then feign ignorance about why everyone is wishing she and her brood would simply die quietly.
7) Comfy chairs.

There. That's not such a tall order, surely? I think I'll start reviewing coffee shops I find myself drawn into on here.. hmm. Yes. I like that idea.
Posted by Mark :: 21:57 :: 5 Comments:

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